I guess I’m just not a single guy

Barney

I admit it – Barney Stinson is just awesome and probably the most influential TV character I have ever been exposed to. Shortly after starting to watch How I Met Your Mother, I cut my long hair short, I discovered a love for buttoned shirts and suits. Maybe we’re all a little bit Barney, but who can resist being awesome right?

“My life is just some money in the bank, some suits in the closet and an endless string of one night stands … my life rocks!”

The character’s alienating development (especially in the later seasons) aside, there goes a guy who gets everything he wants, and manages to look good no matter what he gets himself into. The thing is that suits actually really have the effect of making everyone look good all the time. It is also true that suits, or rather the aforementioned effect, give you confidence and self-esteem ultimately leading to becoming a little Barney.

But this is not about TV characters and it is not about suits.
A week ago, I broke up with my girlfriend after more than three and a half years. It had been a long-distance relationship all along, but it had always been fine. In fact, we thought that we were proving them all wrong, proving that long-distance relationships can work, can work well.
It did work well until I moved to Singapore.
After a while here I found myself highly unhappy and it took me about a week to figure out what was the problem. The old relationship was keeping me back, leashing me to my old life and preventing me from breaking free. Singapore had always been a symbol of freedom for me, the ultimate destination, the light at the end of the tunnel that was middle-class small-town life. When starting out here I grew more and more confident that my life was going to rock big time. I have some money in the bank, and even though I hadn’t brought my suit I had to buy one since presentations in school have a formal dress code. 2/3 Barney. Not that I wanted to be Barney, but I did want to have an awesome life. And so, long story short, I had to burn the last bridge that was connecting me to my old life. It wasn’t easy, in fact it broke my heart, but I felt it had to be done. For several reasons. Not my main point, though.

So there I was, single in Awesomepore, and awesome in Singlepore. As the only white dude at my school I had been handing out my phone number an amazing number of times already, and walking into the school canteen or the classroom in the morning I was greeted with big smiles all over. And it is not only that the girls here have a much better taste than the ones back at home – they are much more my taste, too. In fact, the classroom alone felt like a Hooters without food (btw and fyi, the Hooters in Singapore is somewhat the navel of the world) and I had enjoyed the attention all the way from the start. Now all of a sudden I was single. And I expected this to be an awesome time ahead.

It’s not.

Ted

Not that I have to go to bed alone every night, I am sure there are plenty of options out there. Actually, there are but I don’t want to drop names. But I find myself not even wanting that. An endless string of one-night stands looks awesome on TV and seems awesome when you only see your girlfriend once a year for more than three years, but somehow it feels little appealing now. Well, it does feel appealing, but there is something I find myself wanting more, and that is a relationship. I can’t really seem to explain why it is that way. I guess it’s just who I am – I am more of a Ted Mosby than I could ever be of a Barney Stinson.

That does not mean I want my old relationship back. As hard as it is, I can’t do that. No, I need someone new. A nice person, friendly, kind, and of course beautiful. The latter really is not hard to find but the other ones are. How many options are there for that? Few I know of, very few, horribly few. So I find myself scouting for that, scouting for a save harbor. Of course the suit, the “I’m going to be a pilot” and the awesomeness help, but in the end the girls I am looking for here can’t be blinded that easily. They want, and I want them to want, some more than that. I sincerely hope I can give it to them, but so far I can’t make a statement as to whether it works. It works better than it ever did in Germany, but German girls are really not suitable for measuring any other girls against. I guess I’ll just have to see and hope that these fun dates lead to the desired end.

Unlike Ted, though, I am not looking for the future Mrs R. If she turns out to be, fine. But really all I need is some affection, someone to look forward to, someone constant in this dynamic city. I guess I am monogamous after all, I can’t help it. If it works, I will leave a good half million beautiful girls standing by the curb in a heartbeat just for this one. Having that said, it is impossible to say if the one I choose will even want to drive away with me. I will just have to wait for the results of my effort. But the waiting for the first kiss is much harder than the one-year wait for the next kiss.

Yes, that is who I am. So passionate that love at first sight really is nothing new to me, clumsy, awkward and very impatient paired with easily jealous. This is a hard ride, but at least I am in Singapore, where there are options. Finding a girlfriend here should be no problem – making her my girlfriend is. This dating thing, it’s not for me. You spend time, effort and heart blood on a girl who may or may not feel the same. And if she doesn’t, you’re left at the start again. This is not as fun as I thought, and I honestly can’t wait for that first kiss, when it is all over and I get to go home with a sense of belonging and meaning in life.